Despair, loss and anxiety
Kori-sama

Why are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong? Are you angry with me?

Two weeks have already passed. You just gave me a kiss, told me that you loved me - like you usually do – and left my apartment. There was nothing awkward with that so I didn’t know that it would be the last time I would see you for… For how long will you be gone? I’ve called you on your phone, left messages on your answering machine but you haven’t called me back. I’ve even gone to your apartment but no-one answers the door. Are you not at home or are you just pretending not to be at home?

I can’t take it anymore, Mark! I’ve been without your presence for two whole weeks! I haven’t been able to touch you, smell you or even see you in a time which seems like an eternity for me! Why aren’t you by my side?

Sarah looked at the clock on the wall and then out trough the window again. It was, five minutes had passed since the last time she checked the time. She sat on the window sill with one of her legs up to her chest and the other on the cold floor. She hated to be barefoot but at this rate she couldn’t think straight, nor did she care.

It was night and the streetlights were lit. The bright, sharp lights from the car outside, which flashed by, and the sounds from the engines were like a distant dream, almost like a parallel world to her. It was also raining, as if the weather knew her gloomy feelings and wanted to show its concern for her. The raindrops rolled down the window, creating a long tail of water. It glittered in the light of the streetlights but Sarah was too far away from this world to notice the beauty in it.

Since the day she realized that she couldn’t see him anymore, she hadn’t been able to eat, at work she would always be daydreaming and during the nights her eyes were always open even though her entire body was screaming for sleep. Her friends were worried for her but she hadn’t taken any notice – not when she’d been distancing herself from the others. She was still waiting for him to enter through her apartment door or at least give her a call, just so she would know that she was still in his mind, that he still loved her...

Sarah let out a sigh, a deep sigh of despair. He wasn’t coming back - she had that feeling deep inside of her and she knew that when it came to feeling things, she was almost always right. Sarah hated herself for that because she didn’t want to be right, not in this case anyway.

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. It was not like her to cry but she couldn’t help it. It was simply too much for her. She felt betrayed, lonely and not loved anymore. Her hope of seeing him ever again started to fade away. It was useless hoping that he would return to her, return to her side. If he really loved her then he would’ve given her a call but he hasn’t, not even one. She hasn’t received a message of any kind from him either. So why won’t he tell her his reason for being absent? Why?

Outside stood Mark, and he was looking at the handle to Sarah’s apartment door. Two weeks had past since the day he left this apartment and her, not knowing what great misery it would cause. He needed to think, he needed to gather his strength and courage to take that big step - or leap – in his life. Never ever had he been so nervous, not even when he, in his younger days, had to do a speech in front of the whole school. His throat was dry and he was sweating heavily, he felt like he couldn’t breathe and his hands were literally shaking as if he was ninety years old.

Mark closed his eyes to gather his courage one last time. A sigh came out of his mouth. He then determinedly opened his eyes and put one sweaty hand on the handle and the other in his pocket, tightly holding on to a small, blue box so that his fingers whitened. Slowly he pushed down the handle to the apartment door. Now or never, he thought, now or never...